Last month we celebrated our second wedding anniversary. It’s hard to believe we’ve already been together that long. Here are some things that we have learned in our second year of marriage over our first/whole two years:
The Communication – We’ve always seemed to communicate well, but it just gets better as we basically become extensions of the other and know what the other is thinking before even discussing it. This also means giving them the opportunity to say what’s on their mind and not filling in the blank.
The Callback – We learned in a marriage conference at our church to practice “the callback.” When a comedian is performing, they’ll tell a joke, and a story, and then another story and end with a punch line that references the initial joke. This is referred to as a callback. When we have an argument or disagreement, it is fun (after time has passed) to make a joke of it. We honestly can’t take ourselves too seriously, we love all of our inside jokes, and some of them truly come from making light of an initially frustrating situation. To callback on the communication for example, we were both interjecting without the other finishing their thoughts, and one of us got frustrated that the other was frustrated and said “there was a lull!” Since we’re both easily excitable and feed off each other, now when we cut the other person off we jump in with “there was a lull!” and it always inevitably makes ourselves laugh.
The Finances – One of the biggest things we’ve learned, and are still learning, is actually how to communicate about money. Everyone says finances are one of the biggest challenges going into marriage, and we felt pretty confident we were on the same page but weren’t quite prepared for the difficulties it would entail. What we realized is we are most certainly on the same page about the big things, which is incredibly helpful. It’s the small things we’ve had to learn to discuss. Sitting down at the beginning of the year and making a habit of going over every nickel and dime coming in and going out for a couple months has allowed us both to be much more comfortable, and we’ve been able to save so much more. Looking at the budget together really helped us both to see the big picture, prioritize our personal needs, and become much more of a proactive team. We’re most certainly still learning and growing, but we both are super encouraged about where we sit now as opposed to where we were at the end of the year, which is fantastic to see just how much six months can do. This is also evidence of how much God has blessed us with our giving and being responsible with what He’s blessed us to manage. We continue to see financial blessings and favor for giving and managing well.
The Love Languages – If you haven’t taken the test to see what your love languages are, we highly recommend doing so. Everyone needs all five types of love to feel loved, but one or two of yours are higher than the others, which means you need more of this to be fulfilled. This is something we make an effort to focus on, and it really does help hit all the touchpoints. One of my top two is quality time, and while we spend a lot of time together, not all of it is quality. Setting a priority to have time just the two of us, electronics put away, to just be in conversation and fellowship with each other makes us feel much more connected. Cassidy appreciates words of affirmation, so I intentionally make a point to praise him whenever I think about how wonderful he is and try not to let the moment pass. Knowing each others' needs and expectations is the only way to meet them.
We by no means have it all figured out. We have been married for two years, which is definitely not a lifetime. This is a marathon, not a sprint, and we are learning every day. There is absolutely nobody else I would rather be on this journey with and I love living happily Ever After Emery with you, Cassidy Ryan.